We’re talking about poop? Seriously??

We take lots of things in life for granted, all of us do, well most of us. Things like having a car, having a job, having money in the bank, having food on the table, but most of us are aware of the fact that we take these things for granted. There is one thing that I can guarantee that everyone takes for granted, Pooping. Never before I had Faith did I realize what a huge deal pooping is. But it is a huge deal and if its something that you can do, without fail, well that is one more thing I think you should be thankful for.

Faith can’t poop. She hasnt been able to since birth. We’ve given her enemas and laxatives since she was a month old. Her doctors tried manual disimpactions (yep, it’s as awful as it sounds), the strongest laxatives, and enemas every day at home…nothing worked. In Feb 2011 we came to the University of Michigan. Faiths X-ray showed her entire colon and rectum impacted with stool. Her colon was enlarged into something they called mega-colon. Her bladder was the size of a pregnant adult womans, her kidney function was poor, and her blood work was bad. Turns out Faiths colon doesnt have the nerves it needs to move stool through the colon and out of the body. That problem, not being able to poop, has caused a bunch of other things to go wrong in Faiths body.

The immediate solution to this problem, a colostomy. I remember the day Dr. Newman told me this was the only way we could keep Faith healthy. Her colon was going to be outside of her body? She was going to poop into a bag? I dont cry easy, but I burst into tears right in front of Faith. She went in for the surgery the next day.

Things since then, things haven’t gone as planned. Infections, a prolapsed stoma, failure to thrive (meaning she can’t gain weight),and she gets sick. Sick to the point that I get really scared. Everyone asks me if shes going to be okay? I answer yes, someday. I believe that. For now, we have to take this day by day. When people say how is Faith, I have no clue how to answer. She isn’t good. She isn’t doing the things she should be. I have no clue if she’ll be able to start kindergarten in the fall. It’s not an easy question to answer.

What I do know is she is strong. She handles all of this with courage and grace. She worries more about her roommates that are no where near as sick as she is than she worries about herself. She inspires me to be thankful in the face of absolute chaos and a life that is falling apart around me. And, she loves me, to spite the fact that I can’t fix this. To spite the fact that she is in pain everyday, and I can’t make the pain go away. She loves me more because of all of this, which is amazing, because you would think, at 5 you would loose trust when your mom can’t make you feel better.

What’s also amazing is I don’t feel like less of a mom. The hardest part is that I can’t make her feel better or tell her when she’s going to feel better. And I really miss my son, so much that I have to keep that far from my mind, we’re in the hospital and away from him way too much. They deserve a break, they need one, we all do. On our way to the hospital this time Faith says, “Mom, we should be going to the beach, its summer. It’s the 4th of July. We shouldn’t be going to the hospital.” She’s right.

9 thoughts on “We’re talking about poop? Seriously??

  1. MA, what an informative post. My heart aches for you as a mom and Faith as a precious little one. She certainly is a strong little person to endure this and still keep her smile. Keep your chin up sweetie and know we are all praying for a good end to this ordeal. Love to you all. Aunt S

  2. You are absolutely right about taking things for granted, when someone you love has health problems reality smacks you in the face and makes you realize how fragile the good days are. But thats what it’s all about praying, hoping and wishing for the good days and even though sometimes it seems it may never end one of those days come and you will realize you can do it, cause you have done it! I’m waiting and looking forward to one day soon, hearing of the break you all desperately need!

  3. I take what I still have for granted your post brought tears to my eyes. Every time I go to the bea. ch I will pray for Faith she is on my mind a lot kids shouldn’t know anything about pain. Much love to you both and may God heal you both

  4. As a Mommy of three kids and one of them being six,I’m so painfully touched. You really should consider writing a book and it is a very good outlet,along with getting in the car and screaming as loud as you want! People have always told me that God will only give you what you can handle. You and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. Mary, I adore you!!! Hang in there and go with whatever day it is for you and Faith and she gets to look into her mamas Eyes!!!!you get to look into her eyes,,,,we don’t know so just enjoy every sweet moment!!!!!God will watch over and is!!!!!The Power of Prayer and Comfort!!!!!God Bless!! chat soon up on Twitter!!!! I believe I can help hold you up!!!!!!XOXO

  6. Kids are so resilant and can overcome pretty much anything that an adult can’t. I think the one great injustice of the world though is that some of them have to suffer as children like this, it’s just not right to have to do that at such a young age.

  7. Mary Ann- I just found your blog through an online article on SI.com about your wonderful evening w/Matt stanford. And I decided to look through your archives to see what “was up” with Faith. I have an inkling of understanding what you are going through. Just an inkling- as my daughter hasn’t had as many issues as Faith has been through, but an understanding none-the-less. My 4 yr old daughter has recently been diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. She’s had “pooping issues” for over a year now, so she’s likely had it for that long if not longer. It’s been a roller-coaster ride already, and we basically are just at the very beginning of her journey. I haven’t allowed myself to cry over all of this yet, until I read this post. and now, I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my face as I sit here at the computer and type. I don’t know what point it is i’m trying to make other than you, me, our kids.. we are not alone in this. It feels that way, God knows it does. It hurts, its sucks, its not fair to the girls, their siblings, our families.. no one. Yet through it all, we are not alone. Just know that you, your family, Faith- will all be in my heart and prayers.

    U-M and Mott Hospital are fantastic. I’m so glad we are taking our daughter there now for treatment.

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